Throwing your tiara out of the pram

                                                                          

There I was, in the middle of this shop in Florida, deafened by the wails of a 3 year old girl having what is technically known as a ‘tantrum’. We’ve all been there.

She was stomping her feet demanding her mother to buy her this peculiar looking doll. Weighing up the pained expression on her mother’s face I supposed that 3 things could potentially happen:

1. Her mother might ignore her daughter’s wails

2. Her mother might tell her to be quiet

3. Her mother might give in to her demands

Unfortunately the exasperated mother chose option 3 … the girl’s crocodile tears evaporating as readily as her disinterest in the new doll.

Now fast forward 20 years to the point where that same young girl has become an adult. She will have learnt, through her own experience, that bad behaviour results in reward, creating a never ending ‘little-princess’ cycle of tantrums and tiaras… and no doubt, a stream of flimsy and broken relationships.

The key, of course, is to ensure the cycle isn’t created in the first place. However if a cycle is already established it can still be broken and the resultant behaviours changed.

My top tip? Reward only great behaviours. The tantrum-instigator naturally wants attention; if she (or he) can’t get it from behaving badly s/he will be compelled to try another tack that DOES meet them with a reward.

Thoughts?

RW

Talking? That’s not enough…

Rebecca Wells at ACS

Last night I gave a presentation for 120 members of ACS (The Australian Computer Society).

The theme? Effective communication.

In reality ‘effective communication’ means one thing… and one thing alone. And that is this little gem: your communication is only ever as effective as the meaning that your listener takes out.

The brain is bombarded with other 2 million bits of information a second. I’m sure you would agree; that’s quite a lot of ’stuff’!

Obviously the brain can not cope with this volume and so must filter what it experiences. In truth, your brain can only actually absorb 134 bits a second, which occurs as it deletes and generalises the majority of information.

Whether you are communicating with your partner or someone at work this means that to be an effective communicator, where your listener takes out the 134 bits you WANT them to, requires you to take responsibility for your communication.

It is up to YOU to ensure your meaning is clear.

It is up to YOU to adjust what you have said to make it so.

It is up to YOU to ask your client if they have any questions.

It is up to YOU…

We run workshops as well as 1-1 sessions on this topic – so do get in touch if you want to learn more!

Rebecca

Simple but true

Jason Bay doing his thing

“The only way we’re going to improve is if we actually go and get better.” – Jason Bay, Pittsburgh Pirates ( that’s an American baseball team…)

Hmmmm…. poignant thought.

I have to say I agree with Jason. Simple but, oh… so very true.

What if we just tried to be 5% better in every aspect of our lives?

How would your life be different?

What could you do if you were 5% more effective at work? In how you communicated with others? Or, dare I say it, in how you performed in the bedroom?

How might your life improve? And how might others’ lives improve??

I’m setting us all a challenge.

To follow Jason in his quest for betterment and to go out there and be 5% better. At everything.

Simple… but effective.

RW

Life in the fast lane – a remedy!

 

They say you learn something new every day…

David Giles

Today I had a fascinating meeting with a chap called David Giles, the principal teacher of vedic meditation, at his beautiful  centre in Double Bay, Sydney.

David is extremely passionate about vedic meditation and it’s little wonder: its benefits include stress and anxiety reduction; improved personal productivity; and solving sleep deprivation issues… to name but a few. 

A bit of a no-brainer really…

One thing that really grabbed me was our discussion about ‘effort’.

In modern life it’s all too easy for people to get so bogged down that they struggle to see passed their noses. To create change in our lives takes effort and that is precisely the barrier that prevents many people from going for it and enjoying better results.

Meditation, like coaching, takes some effort on the part of the client. Well, 40 minutes of reflection a day to be precise.

But in reality that 40 minutes a day gets you much the same benefit as coaching: you are forging a new way of life for yourself… a new way of being….

That has to be worth that effort!

When I got home I dabbled a little on t’internet to find out more and came across a quote, from the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, that sat very well with me:

“Attend to your own inner health and happiness. Happiness radiates like the fragrance of a flower and draws all good things towards you.”

Putting your mental and spiritual health first is by no means a new philosophy, but it is one we should attend to more consciously.

Hmmm, I actually learnt a few things today…

RW

Solving problems is not to be sneezed at

 

Got a cold?

To overcome it, what do you invest in? A pack of tissues to nurse your sneezes or some medicine to kill the virus?

An ugly bug

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clearly, treating only the symptoms is a complete waste of money. And effort.

The reason why many clients want to work with me is because they’re fed up with getting the same results that don’t work for them.

The reason?

By and large you will get similar outcomes if you merely do patch-up jobs, and treat only the symptoms of your challenges rather than their root causes.

If you find yourself going round in circles and getting nowhere, take a step back. Go for a run. Take a breather. Leave it for a few days and then come back to it refreshed. 

Consider what the real reason for these outcomes is.

If you’re honest with yourself, the answer is often the most obvious thing.

Invest in yourself and face your ’causes’ head on. You have only phenomenal gains to make.

RW

How profound…

 

I came across this quote today:

“If you work just for the money, you’ll never make it…

 …But if you love what you’re doing, success will be yours.”

Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald’s, said that.

Perhaps this was the inspiration for McDonald’s slogan, “I’m loving it.”

Now I doubt that many of the people who work in McDonald’s flipping burgers are either passionate or ’loving it’ when they, well, flip burgers…  but from a pure ’success’ perspective I’d have to agree with Ray.

No-one can deny that the glorious Golden Arches of McDonald’s represent a phenomenal success story. McDonald’s was only established in 1955 and now serves 60 million customers daily and boasts whopping annual revenues of US$25 billion.

Ray’s philosophy obviously counts for something… but Rays point, of course, is all about our definition of ’success’.

How about making a couple of nips and tucks to Ray’s quote?

“If you’re chasing the dollar that’s all you may ever get. But if you love what you do…

Not only will you enjoy deep satisfaction, you’ll probably get the dollar too.”

It even rhymes. Nice.

RW

Is grey the new black (and white)?

 

Have you ever felt stumped by a situation you found yourself in?

The metaphorical Brick Wall

I hit one last night. Or perhaps it hit me…

It felt highly uncomfortable. Even crippling. I’m one of those people who’s always on the go; an ideas generator; a bit of a force to be reckoned with. But at that point in time, I felt truly unresourceful.

I was in a black and white, monochrome place:  only two options lay ahead.

And neither had me dancing in the aisles.

Then I thought to myself, this is stupid. I’m not compromising. I will find an option that excites me. But how?

Hmmm… how about changing my frame of reference? What might the shades of grey be?

And BINGO! That was it. Grey.

There is always a middle territory. It’s never just ‘this or that’. Life isn’t that limiting. You always have choices – it’s just a question of knowing to look in a different place to find them.

My own eureka moment was coupled with a remarkable feeling of empowerment. The black cloud (that word again…) of confusion instantly lifted and I was suddenly armed with a path of action that I was more than happy to pursue.

Mix black and white paint together… and you’ll find your shades of grey.

RW

Shark attack! And yet they still surf…

I was having a bit of a ponder when I went for my run on Bondi Beach this morning.

As I looked across the water, at the salt and pepper smattering of surfers sitting on their boards waiting for the perfect wave to emerge, I couldn’t help but think of the spate of shark attacks Bondi Beach has recently witnessed. 

Bondi's attacks weren't actually Great Whites... but you have to agree, this picture is pretty amazing...

Given the knowledge that the water’s warm enough for sharks at the moment, I thought that perhaps it was pretty silly for the surfers to be risking their lives – or maybe limbs – for the sake of a wave.

But then I came to think – well maybe it’s the wrong time of day for sharks to be so far inland and maybe there aren’t enough small fish around to tempt them in.

Regardless of whether either those assumptions were true, I really liked the fact that although the surfers weren’t certain sharks weren’t around, they were still sitting with their legs dangling into the depths below.

They were surfing because they love it. Because they’re passionate. Because they’re committed.

‘Certainty’ is linked to lots of important values, such as ’security’ and ’safety’.

But isn’t it also a bit of a bind?

Many people need to be certain before they will ‘jump’. They need to know all the answers before they are prepared to ‘go for it’ - whatever ’it’ may be.

But I think there is a lesson here.

To get things done more quickly and to spend much more time doing all the things we love might mean pushing ‘certainty’ down a rung or two.

How about a challenge? The next time you stop and question whether you know enough yet to do something, actively push that lack of certainty back. Remind yourself of what you want, focus on the end result and go for it.

But if you’re considering surfing in Bondi, you might want to wear a metal wetsuit …

RW

“LiveBIG” group coaching just launched

 

If  ’living the life you have always wanted’ interests you, and you can’t tell me  that doesn’t include you(!)… then this is the group to join.

I decided it was about time that the Sydney scene offered some talks that provided some valuable insight into how we can all lead more fulfilling lives.  So here they are!

If you’re interested in joining, click here.

Not only does LiveBIG consist of regular monthly talks, on lots of different personal development topics, membership is also absolutely free!

Now there’s value for you.

RW

Speech at “Infusion” multicultural business networking – 18 February 2009

Sandra Lie introducing Rebecca Wells

When working with people from different cultures you will invariably come across some differences in how they communicate. I firmly believe that the most effective people are those who can adapt to their changing circumstances and be flexible enough to adjust their communication styles to suit their counterparts.

But what does that really mean? To be an effective communicator means building rapport with the person you are communicating with. So you need to look out for how they express themselves: are they loud or vocal? Do they gesture a lot? Perhaps they avoid making direct eye contact? Or maybe they enjoy a wide area of personal space.

When adding in a dimension of culture, it complicates communication further. Some nationalities are naturally very expressive, possibly opinionated and may be perceived as ‘brash’ or ‘arrogant’, whilst people from other cultures can be more subtle in how they put forward their ideas, gesture very little and spend far more time listening than they do talking.  The former may misread this style as lacking confidence, passion or interest in the topic under discussion.

On Wednesday I spoke about this subject at “Infusion“, a fantastic business networking group in Sydney organised by Sandra Lie and sponsored by Zaabiz.

Its membership is comprised of business owners, leaders and individuals from multicultural backgrounds. Some are looking to do business overseas whilst others have cross-cultural leadership or team challenges that they regularly face. Michael Brecht, who runs Zaabiz (the sponsor of “Infusion”) posted an interesting blog entry himself on the event.

Rebecca Wells, Sandra Lie, Michael Brecht

Visit our website to read more about the event or to view other articles I have written on the subject of effective cross-cultural communication.

RW