Throwing your tiara out of the pram


There I was, in the middle of this shop in Florida, deafened by the wails of a 3 year old girl having what is technically known as a ‘tantrum’. We’ve all been there.

She was stomping her feet demanding her mother to buy her this peculiar looking doll. Weighing up the pained expression on her mother’s face I supposed that 3 things could potentially happen:

1. Her mother might ignore her daughter’s wails

2. Her mother might tell her to be quiet

3. Her mother might give in to her demands

Unfortunately the exasperated mother chose option 3 … the girl’s crocodile tears evaporating as readily as her disinterest in the new doll.

Now fast forward 20 years to the point where that same young girl has become an adult. She will have learnt, through her own experience, that bad behaviour results in reward, creating a never ending ‘little-princess’ cycle of tantrums and tiaras… and no doubt, a stream of flimsy and broken relationships.

The key, of course, is to ensure the cycle isn’t created in the first place. However if a cycle is already established it can still be broken and the resultant behaviours changed.

My top tip? Reward only great behaviours. The tantrum-instigator naturally wants attention; if she (or he) can’t get it from behaving badly s/he will be compelled to try another tack that DOES meet them with a reward.




Talking? That’s not enough…

Rebecca Wells at ACS

Rebecca Wells at ACS

Last night I gave a presentation for 120 members of ACS (The Australian Computer Society).

The theme? Effective communication.

In reality ‘effective communication’ means one thing… and one thing alone. And that is this little gem: your communication is only ever as effective as the meaning that your listener takes out.

The brain is bombarded with other 2 million bits of information a second. I’m sure you would agree; that’s quite a lot of ‘stuff’!

Obviously the brain can not cope with this volume and so must filter what it experiences. In truth, your brain can only actually absorb 134 bits a second, which occurs as it deletes and generalises the majority of information.

Whether you are communicating with your partner or someone at work this means that to be an effective communicator, where your listener takes out the 134 bits you WANT them to, requires you to take responsibility for your communication.

It is up to YOU to ensure your meaning is clear.

It is up to YOU to adjust what you have said to make it so.

It is up to YOU to ask your client if they have any questions.

It is up to YOU…

We run workshops as well as 1-1 sessions on this topic – so do get in touch if you want to learn more!